creature that is my keeper

Mistake.

Dictionary definition : an error

There's this thing about me... I can never make up my mind. This morning I wanted blue, this evening I want orange.
It is called being indecisive.
Indecisiveness is part of my illness - whatever it may be.
An illness that I've devastated the most beautiful thing in the world to me with.
Quite simply, love.
I changed my mind a thousand time for no reason for no rhyme.
Truth is my mistake is that when I was talking to you on the phone the other day is that I was letting my illness speak. I let indecision enter my mind and again I gave in to it.
So many fucking times I've given in,
or let go.
Told someone this mistake, this error is mine to make. Told another I won't make this mistake, this error, again.
I doubt my heart every minute.
But I don't doubt you and how well you know me.
I put this all on you.
And you put this thing in me - this thing that makes my heart break when I don't hear your voice for 42 hours. This fucking thing that rises up and screams when I see your single status on Facebook.
So juvenile I know. I'm supposed to be an adult and I'm crying over a God damn networking site.
Enamored since the day I met you when I was 13.
My heart is in your hands. Be gentle. Let it go... or give it a tender squeeze and make it beat again.

I didn't believe in being heartsick until you.

I didn't feel much before you.

I can live without you.

I don't want to.

Something inside me would take all the pain and suffering in this sick world just to see you again and be in your arms just one last minute.

All the bad days the world could offer till the end of my days, for one last great one with you.

This thing

this illness

you put it in me

I won't give it back

because I love you too damn much.

Said I was learning about myself without you.

Learned I'm a wreck.

I don't give two shits about what people have to say about co-dependant bullshit.

Fuck you, no I don't depend on men for happiness.

I lost all feeling of control without you.

I can't see what happy looks like anymore.

All sense of contentment has burst into flames I can't put out.

I want you to be happy.

with me

the way I am with you

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