should just be my own best friend and not fuck myself in the head with stupid men

This little giant shit pain in the ass caused me to love the new Beyonce song. EW.

Nearly ran into the ex yesterday at 7-11 I think I nearly shit myself in my new friend's car. That would have made a good impression. Looking for places to live right now. Roomies in Kamloops? No takers?

I'm telling you about the ex because two days before this he texted me hopefully for THE LAST FINAL FUCKING time that he was heading to Alberta for the rigs that day. Still a liar I see.

What a holy shit balls weekend I had. Drunk three days straight don't remember a lot of shit know that

Steve-o goes commando - all the time, that Darcy is a bad bad influence but still remains my favorite and most hilarious half-flamer in the world. We're going to get famous together hahhhaha right. Passed out on the wrong side of the right person's bed last night, woke up in tender arms without a ribbon of regret.

I recently found out that I have Borderline Personality Disorder and Bipolar Mood Disorder. Explains a lot of a lot of A LOT. I see a shrink and an alcohol councellor and a trauma/family councellor and work with both my family doctors and a social worker because my docs deemed me unable to work for minimum 2 years. Its been a crazy rollercoaster of appointments and meetings and new drugs and drinking and fiddling with my new found mental state of troubled affairs. I take Abilify, Sertraline, Clonazepam, Temazepam and the good ol' no baby pill. My shrink also diagnosed me with panic disorder which goes in conjunction with the Bipolar manic phases for which the Clonazepam is for - I have to take it three times a day. To say its a lot to handle would be an understatement. I can't describe what the years have been like for me, having ignorant parents in denial, writing me off as an emotional teenager who just has abnormal behaviours and insane mood swings that varied from taking a knife to my leg to kneeing a hole in my bedroom wall out of rage that they had gone to the movies without me. But "I'll battle 'till this bitter finale". Didn't think I would be able to keep myself from dying before I was an adult. One week and three days I am 20 years old...

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