i'd rather be in a pub

Daniel, when I first saw you

I knew that you had a flame in your heart

And under our blue skies

Marble movie skies

I found a home in your eyes

We'll never be apart

And when the fires came

The smell of cinders and rain

Perfumed almost everything

We laughed and laughed and laughed

And in the golden blue

Crying took me to the darkest place

And you have set fire to my heart

When I run in the dark

Daniel

To a place that's worst

Under a sheet of rain in my heart

Daniel

I dream of home

But in a goodbye bed

With my arms around your neck

Into our love the tears crept

Just catch in the eye of the storm

And as my heart ran round

My dreams pulled me from the ground

Forever to search for the flame

For home again

For home again

Daniel - Bat For Lashes

I keep having these visions of myself sitting in a pub beside a window drinking a pint, just looking into the sun or writing in my book about being in a pub beside a window drinking a pint looking at the sun outside. I'm going mad in my house it could be the PMS, it could be that being stir crazy makes you mad. I called everyone, not many people I know here. Scraped the bottom of the barrel but no luck. Fucking Olympics, everyone is watching the hockey game woohoo so special and exciting. My new tattoo does not look like it is healing properly which has got me quite perturbed I must say

.

How about some happiness everyone? I could use some.

-

i don't want to spoil the party so i'll go

Everyone knows a sad girl. The story has been told a thousand times.

It gets old, hearing the same cries that so willingly escape the minds of these desolate wastelands that are called the "sad girls".

Here is a new story about a sad girl with the same old story as the other ones: Abused in every way as a child, abused as an adult, and left abusing herself.

The only solace she finds is in a bottle, the arms of a person she has just met. She finds her solace in the deep confindes of her broken mind - reveling in the pity attatched to the stigma of being sad.

It is all paint by numbers for her, go to the appointments, take the pills, smile and nod your head. Fooling them all, saying she wants help. That these steps being took are more than just motions to please those who need be pleased.

Ironic how she begs on her scarred knees though has no true interest in being saved. Albeit, she would never admit this game to the folk that love her. That would mean not only her mind, body, and soul are out there for the taking, so is her life.

_

i've been waiting for this moment all my life, but its not quite right

"kelly, alcohol is not your friend"

So what can I tell you, engagement ended well over a month ago, shit happens.

So being single is interesting.

Being as fucked up as I've been is even more interesting.

New city, new doctor, new home. Doc thinks I'm bipolar. Yay

_

everyone's got a theory about the bitter one

Bye bye fuck hole Edmonton, you can blow me.

So I'm back in BC, in PG to be exact. Don't ask 'cause I don't want to tell you.

conversations with Jamie (my favoite time of the day) I spelled that wrong on purpose.

Kelly - is it bad to sometimes look at photos of yourself and think, "damn I'm kind of fuckable."?

James - nope

Kelly - k just making sure I'm not too narcissistic but just the right amount.

James - haha, as long as you don't let it go to your head. Its the right amount. Paris Hilton is a prime example of how to go to far. shes not attractive and she thinks shes the hottest shit thats graced this earth

Kelly - Oh I don't think I'm like, hot hot shit I just sometimes think to myself with the voice of Buffalo Bill in my head, "I'd fuck me, I'd fuck me hard."

_