Where to start oh could have a brain tumor, could have skin cancer from a stupid mole I'm getting removed on Friday.
More tattoos.
Lost my camera. Actually SOMEONE lost my purse which had my camera in it and then got stolen of course so fuck. No pictures for a while.
Watching season finale of House tonight even though I haven't seen 3/4 of the season.
I feel like Rose DeWitt Bukater when she says "Outwardly, I was everything a well brought up girl should be (cue laugh track). Inside, I was screaming. "
Migraine for 3 weeks and the pills you have to take for it fucks you up a wee bit.
I feel like I want to live in the heart of a big city where danger is all around and there is always something to do. I, f course, would not ever go out and do any of these things but knowing the freedom was there I think would be so freeing. I love the comfort of my small city, but its becoming too small. Its closing in around me. I want to buy a diner and call it a family restaurant and then turn it into a pub at night. Gone are the days of being a hopeless drunk but I still hopelessly rely on pills to make life better. Hoping the more the pills the more magical life might be. Maybe sometimes I just hope the more the pills the more normal life may be. I am no go-getter. I never have been , never was, never will be. So much, so out of reach. Ordering a burger from a fast food joint is akin to trying to touch the stars. I can never make up my mind. Do I want to stay sick and sad? Or do I want to be better and be what they call "normal"? I so want to be a wife and a mother but then I have this stabbing pain in me that maybe I belong alone, have nothing but solitude to be my guide to self discovery - if such a thing even exists. I want to sell my paintings, I want to be known... But then why do I hide so fiercely?
Some people have life so fucking figured out.
My hair is blonder now than in previous pictures. Much closer to my natural color.
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